It's Saturday and I'm here alone, facing another long day.  I'm feeling a little low today. Broken sleep, etc.  I wanted to get my hair washed and have Mike do a little watering in the yard before he left, but he was in pain and tired and needed to get working to regain some strength and energy. Soooo, here I am.  I want company, but don't want company--grumpy, grouchy, blah.  I won't condemn myself, though...too many years, a lifetime, of that.  This just is.  It is where I am right now.  I can choose to change it or not.  I am loved by God whether in this state of mind or joyful.  I choose to know that with certainty!  Whether I can spur myself into any sort of action today remains to be seen.  But, I realize it's not important.  Would I condemn my kids or grand-kids if they were feeling low--absolutely not!  I choose not to condemn myself, but to allow myself space, discouragement and the freedom to feel. (I can hear my mother in my head, "Oh, but you shouldn't feel like that!)  Oy...

     I did get out  yesterday, but I refuse to use that as fuel for condemnation!  John & Beckie flaked for the 3rd time this week--annoying, but that's how they are...can't seem to get organised and out the door.  Anne had asked me if I wanted to go out, which I refused as J & B were coming.  When they cancelled, I let Anne know I was free and we went to the Pumpkin Patch on LOVR.  Gorgeous fall afternoon!  Brown hills, blue sky, warm breeze and fresh air.  I hopped around on my crutches for a bit, took some photos...reveled in being OUT!  We had dinner at our place and watched our old people shows:  Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune.   But, even though I got out, sleep eluded me til around midnight...oh, well.

     Writing has helped clear the fog a bit.  I sent Alan a text asking if they were free to Skype.  He said in an hour.  That will perk me up like nothing else!  I'm missing them.  Proactive and non-condemning--that's the ticket.  Can't wait to see those dear faces and hear their voices!