Poipu Beach, Kauai

1/24/2011

Plunked down in paradise, I’m giddy with joy!
Senses overwhelmed by each flower and bird;

the waters, the sands.
Live-giving, healing;

magically nurturing a parched soul and spirit.
Yet, suddenly…

***

My thoughts are filled with you, Daddy.
Blue ocean churning; Kauai sun burning.

***

Savoring the warmth of Poipu’s sands beneath my striped towel,
my eyes close, fully relaxed...

I recall, acutely, the texture of your skin.
The hair on your aged forearms;
your hands…
each finger,
with nails still, enviously, tapered and strong.

***

My thoughts are filled with you, Daddy.
Blue ocean churning; Kauai sun burning.

***

Rite Aid Apple Lotion, becomes a holy thurible,

drawing me back in time.
Were you still there,

feeling its coolness on your feverish skin?
Was it for you or for me, those simple, final offerings?

***

My thoughts are filled with you, Daddy.
Blue ocean churning; Kauai sun burning.

***

Startled, in the midst of joy. Why here; why today?
Oh…yes…to the very day: four weeks.
And, tears, a surprise, as I don’t…cry.
At least not here, openly.
Almost never, and yet,

fumbling for a gritty napkin,
salty rivulets flow.
Oh, my thoughts are filled with you, Daddy.
Blue ocean churning; Kauai sun burning.

***

Christmas Eve…was it only last month

or a millennium ago?
The final days, your parched lips struggling to whisper,
“Thank you, my Sweetheart”.
Agonizing hours spent watching over your cachexic body.
Bravely releasing your oneness with earth,

you surrendered to the unknown,
while I, earthbound, stayed tethered.

***

Now, my thoughts are filled with you, Daddy.
Blue ocean churning; Kauai sun burning.

***

You appear when least expected, heralded, always,

by guttural Cheyne-Stokes breathing,
forever imprinted in my brain.
Maybe, tomorrow, first thoughts will skip to Maine,

your thick, whitehair tousled by spring winds.
How easily, I could remember your emotions in D.C.,

upon viewing the WW II Memorial.
Or, happy thought, your joy, in Boston,

on that misty Fourth of July.
But, for today…I won’t turn away. I will stay…here.

***

My thoughts are filled with you, dear Daddy.
Blue ocean churning;
Kauai sun burning…
tears flowing.